Off and running like a Spanish Poophound

Something new for you all.

2007-10-04T22:54:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I have posted a new entry. Well here it is. My summer was great I went on a 75 day fishing trip and caught 11 fish. They all some sort of deformaty, it was pretty disgusting. I wanted to keep one of them as a pet but my dad said that if i kept the fish he would have to beat me. It only hurt a bit and me and my new friend Sammy(the fish) went for a jog, but he died...lazy bastard. Well gotta go my dad's yellin' at me again.

Forever Blowing Bubbles!....One Blood!

2007-01-28T04:21:00.000-08:00

"Green Street Hoooligans". If you haven't already seen this film than I strongly suggest that you go out and rent this film as it is one of the best films that I have seen this year. "Green Street Hooligans" is a fucking awesome film that has great acting as well as a wonderful story. So I urge anybody who is thinking of renting such garbage as "You, Me, and Dupree". spend your money better and rent "Green Street Hooligans". Trust me you won't be sorry, "Green Streeet Hooligans" is a way bigger bang for your buck than any of the other garbage films that you are able to rent. This film is Awesome, and by awesome I mean Awe Inspiring...it is a great Fucking film!

Eighth grade! That's far enough for me!

2006-09-04T00:30:00.000-07:00

June ninetine ninety ate would have been my ten year high school reunion. However, with little help from family, teachers, and constant beatings from my peers, the ateth grade was it. My life spiraled down into a depressive comatose that was only amplified by the damp cold. The cold damp feeling of clothes three weeks from last wash.

I felt that my ateth grade communication skills were enough to decifer my AD&D Second Edition Tombes that would lead me through a journey of Forgotten Times... and that would end my misery, forever... Who needs brains, when you have brawn and magical missile ateth level... no miss fire!

Enjoying some donuts.

2006-08-14T02:29:00.000-07:00

I was enjoying some day old donuts the other day, well they were more like 4 or 5 day old donuts, and I thought to myself "This is how a homeless person must feel when he is treating himself to some sweets and not buying booze" , also I was feeling really lazy and I hadn't showered yet.

It's been a while.

2006-04-26T00:55:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since my last blog and that is ok. I have been busy since the last time I blogged. I have nothing to say. So let me start by saying...poop. It is gross. Thank you and have a nice day.

The answer to all life's problems is in the movie "Footloose"

2006-03-15T02:30:00.000-08:00

Yes, this movie has all the answers you need. If life has you down...Dance! If people are pressuring you...Dance! If you are an outsider...Dance! You get a bad mark on your English paper...Dance! Your dog dies...Dance! You get caught for violating your parole...Dance! You are serving three consecutive life sentances...Dance! You broke a fingernail...Dance! It's that simple. Dance, Dance, Dance for Christ's sake! It's in the bible...and "Footloose" the movie.

I'm back with a vengance...sort of.

2006-02-15T03:17:00.000-08:00

Well hello again, it's me. Alright let's get down to business. Who the fuck is Quinton? I have no idea who this asshole is. Why does he piss me off so much? I think it has something to do with that smug look on his big fucking face, even though I have never seen his face before and I am just assuming that he has a big face...with a smug on it. Jesus, doesn't this guy make you want to puke or huff gas until you are declared legally retarded. FUCK! This guy pisses me off. I hate him, I hate him more than I hate fake Asian kids. You know the ones that I'm talking about, those kids that tape their eyes into a slant and rub themselves with soy sauce and speak like Mr. Miyagi from "The Karate Kid". The same kids that have math tutors so that they become good at math. These people make me sick. And the asshole that is responsible for all this, yep you guessed it...that fucking poopface Quinton. So fuck you Quinton and the horse you rode in on...jerk.

I like my chicken medium rare.

2006-01-18T23:12:00.000-08:00

I was recently at a restaurant and I had ordered a chicken dinner and upon ordering I informed the waiter that I would like my chicken medium rare. He looked at me with a puzzled look on his face and began to tell me that ordering chicken medium rare is not a wise thing to do. Anyways I told him I was only joking and he gave a lackluster chuckle, which I was not impressed with at all. Lucky for him the cheese cake I had for dessert was so good I touched myself ever so delicately, it was nice...I mean the cheescake of course, pervert. And before I was asked to leave the premises, and by asked I mean physically thrown out, I congratulated the chef for a meal that was adequate yet slightly above reasonable. On a funny side note after the waiter informed me that eating chicken that is cooked medium rare is unhealthy, he spit in my mashed potatoes...and I think he had a cold, funny.

2006-01-16T00:58:00.000-08:00

It's Lime Crush everybody!

Lime Crush...it tastes so fucking good.

2006-01-16T00:35:00.000-08:00

What can I say about Lime Crush (the pop)? Lime Crush is like a cooling breeze on a hot summer day, a breath of fresh air after someone has farted, a woman taking her clothes off in front of you and when she notices you she doesn't scream and call the cops. If I had my choice between Lime Crush and getting raped, I would take the Lime Crush hands down everytime. So if you want to add some zest to your everyday life then I suggest that you try a wonderful, refreshing, fucking awesome bottle of Lime Crush. You won't regret it...you son of a bitch, happytime!

"The Passion of the Christ" vs "Jesus Christ Superstar".

2006-01-11T02:52:00.000-08:00

I was watching "Jesus Christ Superstar" the other day and it occured to me that this is a much better movie than Mel Gibson's boring version. When I saw "The Passion of the Christ" it didn't move me it only bored me. I think that Mel made this movie just so he could make a lot of money so that he could make a movie about his real passion...his hatred of the Paparazzi. Maybe if Jesus was rescued by Mad Max things would have been more interesting, but no. That is why there is no way these movies come close to "Jesus Christ Superstar", they don't have kick ass rock'n'roll tunes in them. "Jesus Christ Superstar" has some sweet tunes that actually make the story of Jesus somewhat interesting. I don't think it would have been any good if Andrew Lloyd Webber had chosen a different style of music, if he did it would have been lame. I also think that if Jesus could have played guitar and sang like the folks in this show people would have taken him more seriously...I mean everybody loves rock'n'roll. Jesus could have won over everybody with a cool guitar lick, but instead they wrote some really lame hymms and some unrockin' Christmas tunes about him. Rock on son of God, don't let your dad tell you that rock'n'roll will get you nowhere...look what happened the last time you took his advice.

Back to school you fool.

2006-01-09T01:32:00.000-08:00

Well The holidays are officially over and it is back to school where I will sit at the back of the class in my leather jacket and make fun of nerds and get a stern talking to from the good ol' teach. I have added another course to my schedule, it will be the most classes I have taken in a long time. It is a morning class too. I think you should applaud me for these great efforts that I am taking, and say how brave I am for doing this. I have overdue ligrary books...that is how tough I am. I don't let no sissy library tell me when I "have to" return the books...it is rediculious.

Apocolypse now?...No probably not.

2006-01-05T01:18:00.000-08:00

I am going to ramble here for a few minutes because as usual I really don't have anything important to say other than Jesus will not be coming back to Earth. No, he won't becoming to bring in the Apocolypse...we are doing a good enough job ourselves. It would be pointless for him to come back here and unleash War, Pestilence, and Famine...I mean there is plenty of that already. We have proven that we really don't need his help...except for when we need to win the lottery or to get that promotion at work or for our kids to win their little league game. No the only thing Jesus can do is knock up our daughters and say that it was the work of God. No he won't be doing that because he is probably gay...and we all know how the bible feels about that. I mean it is the word of god, his dad, the most "tolerant" being of all. No the only thing left for him to do is come back and start a cult...wait he already did that.

Happy New Year.

2006-01-01T19:13:00.000-08:00

Well it is the start of a new era...the era of 2006. The ball is your court destiny, your move. 2006 will be the year of the Cooley, with the exception of the months January and March...and June and April and November and December. But October will be all mine, well actually October will be just like September...shitty. I predict that July and August will also be bad for me as well as the impending doom of Febuary followed by The march of May. Yes this will be a year a lot like every other year full of let downs, frustration and the occasional spout of the giggles. So get ready 2006 because Chris Cooley is coming over and he's not leaving until it is close to his bedtime...BOOYA!

Another day and I still can't fly.

2005-12-28T00:39:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning and as usual was very disappointed. After breakfast I jumped off my porch, but no dice. I thought that today was my day. I thought the 6,754th time is a charm, but you guessed it BAM! I landed right on my face. Life is so unfair. I mean all I want out of life is to be able to fly, is that too much to ask? Anyways it is getting late and I have to get up tomorrow hopefully in more ways than one. So if you have any tips on how I can fly please share...I'll be your best friend, honest.

SALE SALE SALE!!!!!

2005-12-26T22:59:00.000-08:00

Well it was Boxing Day today, but I didn't go out shopping. Now I know what you're thinking "He didn't go shopping?". I know it is so not me to pass up a good sale. Anyways I decided to stay home and take it easy. Then in true Cooley fashion I was punched in the face by a very old man. I cried for three hours then I took a bath. While I was in the bath I fell asleep and almost drowned and then I got yelled at by my brother because I embarrased him in front of the cute paramedic girl because I farted when she was giving me mouth to mouth. All in all it was a good day.

2005-12-26T06:06:00.000-08:00

I get picture took.

It's over...all over.

2005-12-26T05:16:00.000-08:00

By the time you read this I will be gone...to bed, I am tired. So another year is almost over and a new one is on it's way. 2006 should be a year filled with heart felt disappointment and plenty of empty can returns...I'm looking forward to it. The snow is melting and in the process it is showing me that nothing can last forever...it breaks my heart. This is my first entry in my new blog, so I hope you enjoyed it...if you read it. I must get going because my cat is trying to ruin my life...she has pooped on my carpet. Have a good-bye.

P.S. My cat didn't really poop on my carpet, it was just my running shoes.